I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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