I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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