i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
