i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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