You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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