You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
