Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize