you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
