Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
