The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
4 words: hood of his car
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
