Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
