I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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