Your dad touched me again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
