I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
