and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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