new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize