I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
