Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
