Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
