i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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