what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
