what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
