3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
