I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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