Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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