She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize