Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
