if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
