I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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