I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh god it's open bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
