there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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