im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
