I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
