Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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