she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
