therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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