This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
