Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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