Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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