kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize