I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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