i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize