I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she smelled like a LAN party
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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