So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
