I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Green mimosas i think yes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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