don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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