So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize