that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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