I didn't shave. On purpose
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
