Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
