One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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