Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
