when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
