how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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