So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
