I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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