Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
