but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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