closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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