he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize