She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
