i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
