so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
