And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
