I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Farmville is her only friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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