went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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