Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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