Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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