I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
