I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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