From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
