I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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