Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
