hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
