I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
