So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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