The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
