why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
